End of the Challenge

Okay, time for reviewing the past 18 months. So much has happened and yet so much has stayed the same. Well, I turned 50 - that happened and isn't changing. Still haven't decided how I feel about that yet. Finances are still a mess but this time last year I got a windfall completely out of the blue which gave me a chance to try something different. Health wise things went from bad to worse to getting better now. Spiritually, well, I don't know what to say. I'm slowly getting back in touch with my soul .... it never stopping singing but I stopped listening to that soft sweet music and I've paid a price for my self imposed deafness.  

My Health: I've lost 50 pounds and I have more energy and flexibility. I'm starting to feel like myself again ... strange how you lose yourself when you gain a lot of weight. My ulcerative colitis is giving me quite the fight but I'm slowly winning this one. I would like to lose another 50 pounds by following a diet that makes me feel good and by increasing my exercise when my energy levels are up to it. I'm winning this challenge no matter how long it takes.  

My Finances: UNCLE! Okay, I cried uncle! That's it. Enough. This time last year I received a windfall - a really nice one but it just disappeared as all money that comes my way does. I'm back to holding my breath at the end of the month as bills get paid. There is a saying in the AA meeting rooms that someone close to me thinks might help .... "let go and let God". I think it's time for me to give it a try. The bills do get paid, there is food in the cupboard, I live in a very nice house with lots of beautiful things around me and help comes to me when I really need it. My mantra is now - let go, let go, let go. Let's see what happens.  

My Spirituality: I've had an Oprah AHA moment .... I've been so focused on losing weight and becoming wealthy that I thought reading books and finding a church or group was all that was needed to become "more spiritual". Nope. Nope. Nope. I have been blessed in this lifetime to know that my soul sings but for some reason I stopped listening. I need to listen to the singing ... if I can focus on that then everything else - health, finances, etc. - will all fall into place.

Overall, my biggest lesson learned during the challenge has been that "knowing" things means nothing if you don't "do" something with that knowledge. I've let my life become inert ... hopefully things are starting to move in the right direction now. Let go, let go, let go ...... in peace, with love.

Last Month

Wowee that was fast! One month left. Have I learned anything in the past 17 months? Yes and no. Sound complicated? Well, that's life - yes and no - not black and white as that leads to issues that will never go away. Luckily I've always enjoyed the many shades of grey...just don't ask me to make a quick decision... it'll never happen (ask Lynne - it's one of my personality quirks that can drive her to distraction). Update - weight is still decreasing though not as fast; still learning how to let go ..... ; focusing on gratitude and positive thinking; exploring prayer - interesting concept for an atheist but finally understanding that it's not who you pray to but what you pray about that matters. Saving details for next month's "big reveal" - just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still hanging in there. In peace with love...

Less Than 3 Months To Go

Surprise! The end of my challenge is coming up quickly now. I skipped writing last month because I was just tired of putting down the same old stuff. It seems to be taking me forever to learn what the universe is trying to teach me. I have managed to get myself back to where I was at the beginning of this challenge. How did I do that? Oh it's so easy..... but I have learned something this time.

First, I'm eating okay but also things that I know don't do me any good - like milk - hence my Rosacea is back with a vengeance; my colitis is taking forever to respond to the meds that I'm taking; I never did manage 2 days in a row of no sugar which means that I have yet to get some relief from the candida albican that is in my system. On the plus side I haven't gained any of the weight back that I have lost and I am so much more aware of the things that I eat and do make much better decisions when choosing food.

Second, financially things have gotten decidedly harder again. Back to living paycheck to paycheck. I take full responsibility for this scenario. It's not that I don't work hard when I'm at a job ... it's that I am having a hard time filling up my work day with money making jobs. Sometimes all I hear is my mother's voice telling me that I'm lazy and will never get anywhere ... I know that it is not true but every time I think that I have removed that voice it finds me .... very insidious this voice especially when she really only said this to me to try to get me to clean my room but boy did it ever stick to my soul.

Third, spiritually .... this part of my challenge has always been pushed aside. Oh, I would do some tokens things towards evolving but nothing too serious. Well, let me tell you that here is where I have learned the most important lesson. If I am going to call my challenge a success then first I must have faith. Yes, there is a Santa Claus/God/Higher Being/Benevolent Universe .... whatever turns your crank. We are here to find happiness, joy, love and success. If you look hard enough those attributes have been in and around you all your life even through the hard times. Think, dream, pray as positive as you can. Be vigilant about all the negative thoughts throughout the day as they can destroy the good that is all around you .... send those thoughts packing.

From today till the end of this challenge my goal is to practice enjoying each day as best as I can. Finding fun things to do and going to bed with a sense of accomplishment for a day well lived. Let's see if any changes come my way ....

One of the guides I'll be using:

5 Months Left

Okay....the universe is sending me a message. Why does it have to be so cryptic? I am being made to relearn some lessons and I know I need to let go and believe that everything will be okay - so hard for me to do. One thing I do know is that most of my life has been lived by following societal norms ... no more. Time to break conventional ideals and follow my passion wherever it leads. Do I need a million dollars in the bank? No, I just need my bills paid with a little left over to have some fun. I am working on becoming healthier - one small step at a time - and it's working. My goal is to enjoy my days not just trudge through most to enjoy a few ... why not do things that I really love every day (like taking care of cats). This is radical thinking for me but it's also part of my spiritual growth as I will have to develop and maintain a certain level of faith in myself and the ability of the universe to provide all that I need and then some. Positive thinking, experiencing joy, loving my life .... ha .... the last part of my challenge is definitely spiritual - what do you know!

6 Months Left

Where has a year gone? Yes, it's been twelve months since I started all this and boy have there been changes in my life. I've also lost focus and the universe is sending me reminders not to do so. Time for updates....

Financially I have had money come into my life that was completely unexpected and it has allowed me to leave a job the was becoming boring and very detrimental to my emotional and physical well being. Since January money has been leaving me faster than it has been coming in and I find myself in the position of having to look for more work. I truly believe that there is something that I need to do and I'm being slowly guided to it. It's just so hard sometimes to just have faith and let the universe send me to where I need to go..... this means that I have to figure out the difference between what my gut tells me and my brain(which I think is screamingly loud). Well I still have 6 months in which to become worth a million dollars .... the hardest part is believing that it will happen.

Health - I've definitely started to lose weight now. I'm eating better and exercising on a regular basis. I'm taking supplements that do make me feel better or I notice a difference when I don't take them. ( Fish oil, vitamin D drops, and a multivitamin) The only thing that the doctor recommended to add was calcium. My colitis has flared up and is making it very hard to maintain a positive mind frame. I am back on my meds and seeing a specialist so hopefully it can be pushed back into remission quickly. I sometimes feel that there is so much more that I could be doing but that only makes me feels defeated and I try my best to not let my brain take me down that road too often.

Spiritually - What do I believe? I am part of something bigger .... everything and everyone is interconnected .... unconditional love is the strongest force available. Every day i try to do the following: quiet the mind, be guided by the heart, put love first, have faith in the reason that you are here at this time even if you can't fathom what it is, be grateful for all that you have and do your best to maintain a positive attitude no matter what gets thrown at you. I am hoping to be able to add 'living in the moment' soon but it's one of the hardest things that I have ever tried to do for myself but it will be the main focus of the next 6 months.

In peace, with love ....

Vision Boards

I had mentioned in an earlier posting that I was going to work on a vision board. I have done many variations over the years. I've had a hard time setting this one up. Oh, you could go to www.oprah.com or my favourite - www.tut.com - and sign up and create nifty vision boards. I have a marvelous one at tut.com. I've taken what I did there and created a small one for my daytimer....all to what seems like little effect ... which is why I think that I am having a hard time setting up a new one in my office.
I did something like a vision board over a decade ago and found it a few years ago. Wow....it was amazing what had actually come to be. What I had done was to take a cheap picture album and as I went though magazines, catalogs, newspapers, etc., I would cut out the pictures and articles that really appealed to me and put them in the album. I must have worked on it for a month, maybe a little longer, I can't quite remember. My life got interesting right around then and the album got filed away. That worked! Years later when I found it again, lo and behold, a lot of the items I had acquired versions of what I had picked. I didn't have the motorcycle though ... it still is lovely to look at and who knows what will happen in the future.
It's so easy to focus on things - a white volvo s60 with a sun roof would be fabulous - but I know that to create the 'things' you need to know what you really 'want' (not necessarily things). I guess that I need to go back and clear up my wants - the deep down ones - make my vision board accordingly, tuck it away and see what happens.
I think that what I am trying to say is to work on finding what it is that you truly want, write it down or use pictures, articles, whatever way you can express you wants and desires .... then let them go (hide/put them away assuming that they will come to be). Hunh! Let me know what happens.

Less than 7 months to go

March has been hard .... I've lost weight and my eating habits are coming around to mostly healthy choices but keeping a positive outlook had been difficult. There are things that I had wanted to do with my free time and somehow I have frittered it all away - like most of my life to this point (told you March was hard!) I'm easily distracted by television, Facebook games, anything really ... part of this is due to the change at my job with the naturopath - hours worked are sketchy and I'm used more as a babysitter than a housekeeper. Very disappointing but it is making me face what it is that I truly want to do with my life....slowly but surely it's coming into focus. I'm not quite ready to share the specifics yet but it won't be long before I'll reveal all.

March isn't a complete write off - my physical went well - no call back for high blood sugar or cholesterol and I have an appointment with a gastroenterologist in early April to set up my colonoscopy and to monitor my colitis. Income tax is done and money is already in the bank so I have some breathing room to start looking for more work for which I am very grateful. A plan, idea, vision for my future is slowly solidifying and an 'onward and upward' attitude is creeping into my being.

For now I will do what I know will get me to where I need to be - eat well, exercise at least 30 minutes a day, increase my daily meditation and expand my social contacts here in Cambridge (time to join something). Phew! April is almost upon us...

8 Months To Go

Last 4 weeks update - things are changing for me ever so slowly but the momentum is forward. I have managed to do 30 minutes of treadmill work 6 days a week for the past 4 weeks and I am starting to feel better. I just finished a "21 days of meditation" challenge and enjoyed it and will continue to explore it's benefits....I'll let you know how it goes next month. I'm much more determined to change my eating patterns. I have removed gluten from my diet for most days - when I do have wheat I notice the difference - I'm mucousy and lethargic. I've switched to goat milk products when I need a dairy fix and it's not as hard on my digestive system as cow's milk .... I'll still have the odd pat of butter(margarine just isn't the same). Next will be sugar - I registered high in candida on my food sensitivity test and when I did the home spit test it confirmed that this is something that I had better deal with. It also explains the constant cravings that I have for sweet things and a ravenous appetite. I will be working with my naturopath on a 60 day cleanse - sugar is my monster and my weight issues will no longer be a problem if I return my digestive system to a healthy balance.
Later this week I'm at my family doctor for my physical and will be sent for all the tests that need to be done - blood work, mammogram, colonoscopy and whatever else she can come up with. I'll be able to check off another box in life's things to do to take care of yourself list.
I've started work on my vision board - I'm using the closet doors that I look at when I'm sitting at my desk - hey... it works. They are the sliding doors kind and one door has the vision board and the other door has my "intentions" - to be healthy; to attract money with little effort; to fill each day with joy and a sense of accomplishment; and to start doing the impossible. It will be interesting to see what comes out of this over the next 8 months.
I've been working part time only and I will have to get more work soon but I feel that I need to take a little longer. January was for resting and deep healing. February seems to be more of the same but "changes" - they are a happenin' and in a profound manner....transformation has begun!

Haunting Melodies

Have you ever been haunted by music? Not in a happy way? I am .... by three of the silliest tunes - Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, I saw three ships, and for she's a jolly good fellow? Give me a break from these songs, please. They pop into my head daily with no reason for being there. I have absolutely no idea why and I'm not sure that I want to know. I'll be taking a shower and find myself midway though "Rudolph". Clean a toilet to the tune of "she's a jolly good fellow"! Make supper while humming "I saw three ships"......help!!! Worse part of all of this is that I don't know how long I've been humming along before I catch myself. The beginnings of insanity? Maybe - I used to say that when I grow up I want to be a bag lady ..... scary n'est pas?
I always have had music running through my head. Normally just background instrumental stuff - melodies with no lyrics. I know when I've been thinking about my mother because I'll start humming something from Carmen - her favourite opera -happy feelings surround me when that starts. No music for Dad - just comfy warm feelings. Maybe I should put a digital piano on my vision board - that might help release some of what's playing in my head.
What to do about my haunting? Really at a loss but I get a feeling that there is a message that my subconscious is sending me. I did find out that Rudolph is the all time favourite song of Ophelia - my new boss's daughter. I am for the most part a jolly good person. Those three ships .... could they be symbolizing my journey? I have divided my quest into three parts - health, wealth and spiritually .... hmmmm. Something to ponder.

9 Months Left

Wow! Where did the time go? I'm midway through the challenge. It doesn't feel like I've accomplished much of anything but I do know better. Amazing things have happened over the past nine months that I could never have dream up .... now I must get ready for the second half which I expect to be outstandingly entertaining.

Has my weight changed? Don't really know but my mindset concerning the food I'm putting in my mouth has. I still have many days where my appetite is voracious but I now know that I need to feed other parts of my life if I want to permanently lessen my appetite for food. Have just about removed all gluten from my diet and will remove cow's milk next. When you start reading labels life starts to get really interesting. Did you know that there is wheat in tomato soup? That threw me for a loop .... got to watch seasonings too (soya sauce - yes -really - I know - some are okay and others are not) .... my bifocals are getting quite the workout trying to read all that tiny print.

Financially I've taken a big step and left my job of 10+ years. I work 2 days a week right now which I really enjoy - I'm also enjoying the rest of the week with nothing on the schedule. I've decided that January will be a resting/healing month for me. It means using some of my savings to meet my financial obligations but the end result will be worth it. I've wanted time for reflection/meditation for a long time and now is the chance for me to do so.

Spiritually I feel at a crossroads .... not sure if I am looking for a more social practice of what I believe or if inner reflection is all that I need. I have the time this month to explore both.

What to do in the next four weeks:
- time to set up a new personal schedule
- finish setting up my office
- start new vision board
- work on short and long term goals
With more time on my hands, I should be checking in more often and posting updates.

Hang on, it's going to be a bumpy ride .... but lots of fun. In peace ....