I've been BAD

Yes, that's right bad .... really bad. I've had ice cream, beef bbq sandwiches, coffee with cream and sugar, etc. Why do we talk to ourselves like we are 4 years old looking at a pack of matches ... don't touch that it's baaad!. It's not a nice way of treating yourself is it? I've been listening to a book on tape by Deepak Chopra - The Book of Secrets - it's very good. I'll have to get a hard copy to go over it again since it has lots of subtle ideas that once in my head they won't go away. The book speaks to me on a spiritual level with practical applications. I'm only half way through but already I'm starting to see things differently. Like why am I "bad"? I'm not, I just am not making great food choices for my health. I was very discouraged early last week and I let it stay with me. I had a big bill for car repairs and let everything I've been working on fly out the window. Being bad ... I guess deep down I wish it was as simple as that. Let me be a 4 year old because others had the responsibility of taking care of me and my surroundings. I don't need to grow up, I need to take action. ( I say that a lot these days) Non action, procrastination, denial are all signs of accepting the status quo. That's not what I want. My mantra this week ... small steps make big changes. Forget the bad, my choices were just that, choices. Time to let it go and make new choices. (: the ice cream was very good - too good to really be 'bad' :) Growth comes from the challenging days not the easy ones...I've been growing.

16 Months Left

Wow, where did those 4 weeks go. What to report ... well weight loss was insignificant. The bank accounts look much as they did last month. I revealed that I'm crazy and talk to squirrels. Hunh! It's been an interesting month in that things are happening in the back of my brain. Deeper understanding of what I want, what I truly want is starting to form. Have you ever asked yourself the question 'if you had access to all the money you would ever need what would you do?'? That has been the focus of the back of my brain and this month answers are slowly percolating forward. I never before could truly come up with an answer to that question but finally something has clicked in my dark recesses and answers are now forthcoming. I will share those answers in future postings. I feel like an artist who's not yet willing to let others look at her work in progress. Don't worry I wont make you wait until it's finished.

No weight loss this month. I've been eating much better. The only trouble I have is meat and eggs. I will only have eggs once a week and the meat that I will have is usually chicken with an occasional bite of turkey bacon(yum). 80% of the time I've been eating vegetarian and drinking my almond milk like a good girl(I getting used to it now, it's quite tasty). My naturopath has me taking some herbal stuff that should clear up my skin .... yuch!!!! My focus for this coming month will be exercise, exercise, exercise.

Financially I'm still putting 10% aside each pay. I needed all of it last month to cover everything coming out of the account last month but I'm determined to get some savings started. I'm trying to focus on the positive things that I have been doing. I got us this far, I do more right things then not.

Spiritually, well yes I'm nuts(and yes that's a squirrel reference). We did go to the UU church in Waterloo and enjoyed the service it was a discussion on Zen. I do plan on going again.

Overall, I'm entering the next four weeks with a quiet determination to make lasting changes to how I live this life of mine. Not big dramatic changes but small lasting ones. It feels good to have this determination come back .... I've missed it for a long time.

Insanity .....

"doing the same thing over and over again and expecting something different" - Albert Einstein.(my hair idol)

I have been insane......thanks for the reality check Albert.