Something New

Last week had to have been one of the more emotionally negative ones that I have had in a long time. What set me off? Not too sure but I do have an idea and it involves several components - physical hunger from dieting, having exacting standards to live up to.... mine not someone else's....and ignoring the signs that my body keeps trying to send me. Driving to work Wednesday morning ... it's still dark as it's only 5:30 in the morning.... and I'm miserable to the point of weepiness. I start talking out loud as if I'm in a therapy session (it does work for me) .... describing how I feel. It was like I opened a door .... no.... I let it open - inside is a black hole that consumes all that is positive - moods, self image, etc. Holy crap!!!! I could not figure out what happened Tuesday to set this off. It wasn't a particularly great day and I've had so many that have been much worse. My head keeps going around in circles ..... out of the blue a thought comes to me clear as anything .... it's hungry and you haven't been feeding it! Holy crap on a stick I found my monster ... you know the one that has been giving me such a hard time! What now??? Slaying monsters isn't in my repertoire...anyways it's a part of me not some external hazard. Time for something new.
1: put away the scale - every time I step on it I'm disappointed with myself.
2: eat what I like within reason - I know what is good for me and what hurts me - I didn't binge the rest of the week but it was a close thing and I certainly did't eat all that healthily.
3: there are all these things in my head that I want to do - time to do them
4: I've been letting everyone around me drive my life - time to take control back one step at a time
5: the disappointment that I think I see in other peoples eyes is just a reflection of how I feel about myself - focus within not without!
These should keep me busy for a while ..... got to go - there's work to be done

12 Months To Go

Wow, looking back at the past six months makes me giddy over what will be happening in the coming year. I've learned so much about myself and how I can sabotage myself in the blink of an eye. There is still a lot for me to work on but most important is to focus on making my life the fun adventure that it should be instead of sitting and waiting for what ends up to be "nothing" - literally. Nothing will happen if I don't make some kind of effort to improve myself.

Money is flowing in and I'm able to finish things from the past that have been holding me back ... finally have a savings account that is slowly growing. How nice is that?

My job change is so exciting. For two days of the work week I'm totally content. The other three days are just letting my know how toxic my work environment has been - physically, mentally and emotionally - can't wait to leave.

Health matters have been slowly but surely changing for the better. I will be making my health a priority in the coming months. Spiritually, I haven't been doing what I would like to but I do know that it will all come together - one small step at a time.

This, my birth month, will be for organizing and finishing what needs to be done before my life adventure goes into higher gear. Am I excited? - you betcha!