13 Months

Okay....my work on positive thinking\behaving seems to be working in amazing ways. There is money in the bank, past financial issues are finally getting put behind me, a new career is just around the corner and wow ... who woulda thunk the past 30 days would ever have happened. What I've learned is that you need to throw out to the universe what you want\need and not think about how it's going to come about. I finally let go the 'how' and things just started rolling at me ... freaking me out at times but I can get used to it :)

Health and weight issues have been placed on a back burner but no more. I've issued a friendly challenge to a good friend to lose 25 pounds by Christmas and she has accepted it. She's also doing much better than I at accomplishing the goal but I can easily catch up. I was at the naturopath yesterday and got my 'meds' (vitamins and herbs to build up my immune system). The meds also help with appetite .... my cravings subside and I do less grazing during the day. With cooler days finally here it should be easier to get out walking.

Spiritually things have gotten really quiet. I never did do those 21 days of meditation but the lessons are now on my computer and hopefully I'll give them a go soon because I do feel that there is something that I need to learn in those lessons before I can move on in my spiritual quest.

Next month is birthday month and I will be focusing on what I hope to accomplish in the coming year .... can't wait to see what's in store for me in the months to come.

1st and Last Cold of the Season

Yup...I've got a cold....thanks to Tony at the office. I wash my hands, rest, eat well - oops well maybe not. I'm so easily distracted from taking good care of myself. That does seem to be my biggest hurdle and I am hoping that one day soon I will figure out how or why I keep doing that.
It's been an exciting few weeks....the company I work for underwent a pay equity review and my position was picked and lo and behold I was underpaid. I received my back pay last week - it was a lovely amount. The government took a huge chunk but this is found money and I don't have a problem with that. It's been fun spending the rest....I did put money aside before the spending started and the only thing I owe now is the car loan. I've paid everything off including an old (big) loan that was still outstanding to my boss from a previous business venture so I can now leave with a clear conscious.
The universe really surprised me with this windfall. I'm able to close parts of my old life and move into the next with an incredible openness that is quite exhilarating. Now the test is to take good care of myself during the exciting parts of life and not just the harder parts.
It's 4 in the morning and I have a head cold...my alarm will be going off in half and hour - maybe I should go up and turn it off....

I Have Fat Lady Knees

Yes full length mirrors are not always my friends... a few weeks ago I wore shorts to work (my office was hitting 100 degrees during parts of the day). One of the doors that I walk by has a full length mirror and this one time it was half open and I got a full view of myself and what did my little wandering eyes see but 'fat lady' knees. You all know what I am talking about. I've been trying to be kind to myself when I look into a mirror but this stopped me in my tracks .... oh boy. The rest of the day passed in a haze of 'fat knees, I've got fat knees' running in my head like some kind of warped mantra. I tried tucking the visual in some dark corner of my brain so as not to bother me but then I thought that it might be better to keep it front and centre to use as inspiration. I must accept my fat knees so that I will work on finding the thin person that I have inside me.
Growing up I was skinny. I wasn't interested in food - except for desert and even then my appetite was easily satisfied...I was never hungry for breakfast, lunch just stopped the noise in my belly, I liked the after school snack, dinner was boring, and bedtime snack of bread and butter with milk was yummy. I was somewhat active, my brain was always busy and I don't remember ever thinking about food until it was in front of me. How to get back to that mindset.... hmmmm.
Well it's Saturday morning and time to put on my shorts and go for my walk before the sun gets too hot then I can nap without feeling guilty. Both, I know, are good for my knees :)

14 Months

Ah summer's nearing completion and my personal new year is coming soon...it's a very reflective time of year for me. I've always found the fall as the start of the year for me - school influence possibly - but I do think that my birth date has more significance to my life goals than the actual calendar year. January 1st always seems to be a let down for me ... don't know why, I just never 'got it'. Anyways...

The last four weeks have been quiet. Weight change insignifican:( sporadic exercising:( keeping to my savings program:) eating habits all over the place and boy did I pay for that - ulcerative part of colitis showed up for a couple of days and rosacea has it's marks all over my face. This time I'm fairly sure that I've learned my lesson - eat food that makes me feel better physically not emotionally - one day at a time with this is my best chance for success. Spiritually there have been internal movings and shakings - as things settle and come into clear focus I'll hopefully have the words to describe what is going on. I am trying a 21 day meditation course over the internet - it's free and I'm curious to give it a try.

I am determined to follow up with a career change ... I've come to realize that I do have an inner voice that I should listen to ... not so easy to do when you've ignored it most your life. The days that I listen and work towards this change are good but I still have as many days filled with doubt and negative thoughts. The challenge for the next four weeks will be to do something each day that moves me forward into my new work life - the rest will follow.

Time for change

I have been in a career rut for years. The work day goes by fast enough since I'm always busy but there has been something missing and I now need to change and find that missing "something". What to do next....I really don't know what I want. I've tried meditating, researching, praying for inspiration, you name it and nothing really jumped out at me.

So I went on Kijiji to see if anything struck my fancy. Surprisingly something did -housekeeping - the old fashioned kind of housekeeping. It satisfies most of my needs: to be of service, to work in a healthy environment, to be physically active, to have control over how I do my work, and to have more free time for personal pursuits. I realized that what I miss most is eating breakfast at home, being able to schedule exercise before work, relaxing in the evening without feeling guilty. Right now I'm spending 15 hours a week commuting - working close to home will free up 10 hours minimum depending on where my clients are located. I'm already in discussion with a potential client. Very exciting.....

A major shake up in my career zone is probably the best thing that I could do for myself. I will have lots to learn, set up, figure out, and do ... life isn't so boring now .... phew.

15 Months

So.....the last four weeks have been interesting. I opened a tax free savings account and deposited my first $50.00. Very exciting. Still putting 10% into my savings account every pay but will need most of it to cover things. Our car was stolen Friday night ... it's happily back in the garage tonight - lower on gas with a parking ticket but none the worse for it's adventure. Started exercising.... 4 days in a row and counting. I'm not exercising in the morning, that's just not working out but I have been going after supper. Tonight I was late with rescuing the car from the tow lot so I skipped the exercises and went straight for my walk. My weight is 223 ... down - not much but happily down. An interesting by product of the car drama is that I actually wasn't hungry ... that's right I lost my appetite instead of eating everything in sight. Wow! Get ready people, I feel some craziness is due ....

Enough - time to move

This week's challenge: exercise first thing in the morning everyday. I can do this - I must do this - If I get up at 4:30 I can have a glass of lemon water as the dogs do the morning pee pee thing, do my exercises which take no more than 15 minutes then go for a walk around the big block which takes 20 minutes. I could then have a quick shower, pack my lunch and be on the road before 6am. It's very doable. I'm writing this sweating up a storm because I just came back from doing the above. It's just not 5am. :)

I'm angry, frustrated, lots of negative energy. Some from the stolen car issue, most from my lack of pushing through blocks. I've done it before so I know that it's not as hard as my ego tells me it is. I am self aware enough to know that it all stems from a fear of success but now it's time to find out what will happen as I start to do the things that will make me successful. Fear/ no fear - it's time. Back to the negative energy.... exercise and good eating habits will be what helps me turn this energy into something positive. I've had enough of procrastination ...