17 Months .....

Last Sunday morning was spent in a parking lot in Scarborough ... well, Lynne had a work thing to do and Brandon (our son) and I went along for the ride.  It was a scanky little plaza with an Asian grocery store as the anchor and a bunch of discount clothing stores.  Brandon and I walked for about an hour down the main street and back but there wasn't much to see or do as it was early Sunday morning.  In the plaza was a small Asian bakery - Lynne fell in love.  Brandon mentioned that those bakeries are all over Toronto and my comment was that there would be tons of interesting eating/grocery places in Toronto followed by ... let's move to Toronto! ... she said yes. Hunh!  Wasn't expecting that but boy was I energized, which got me to thinking ....

Cambridge is boring!  It's a great place to raise a family and to do outdoorsy things but really and truly not a stimulating place for me.  It has been a good place for us to heal after the business failure but I think that it's time to find a healthier place (mentally) for us.  Is it Toronto?  I'm not sure but it would be fun to explore the different neighbourhoods and see if one seems to fit us best.  I'm not sure that Lynne's work would transfer her as they tend to want to keep people in the positions that they are successful at but I do know who the competition is in Toronto.....they might be hiring.   I would probably find work where ever we go - it would be easier in Toronto. 

Seventeen months .... that's giving us another year in this place.   There are things that need to be taken care of and/or settled before doing a major move to a new place.  Finances need to be in good order, jobs in place, stuff gone through and cleaned out. Cars fixed and what to do about parking decided - well that I already know we would get rid of one car for sure as both Lynne and I would prefer to be near the subway or major bus line. 

My health is much better but my weight has been creeping up to scary numbers again and that, I need to address.  Just thinking about moving to Toronto is energizing for me... making me want to get ready for all the walking that I would be doing.  Eat less move more ... easy to say but oh, so hard to do at times.  Seventeen months is more than long enough for radical changes in my health, wealth and general life.  Here goes! 

Forward Ho!

Hello Everyone,

Yes, I know. I've been quiet for too long but not anymore.   Ready?  I'm not....but here goes anyway.

Fear and anger.  That is what has been holding me back.  I'll deal with with them as the days go by but I've come to realize that it's time to take a deep breath, find my courage and move on. I want to be a happiness coach well, let's call it life coaching - not so out there.  For the past 15 years I've been reading all kinds of self improvement books, finding all kinds of internet sites and generally collecting a ton of information - some that I could personally use but most of it just interesting.  When I asked the universe what to do with all that I have been collecting... well, let me tell you - I was bombarded with coaching books, websites etc. and yet I still keep dragging my feet.  No longer.

I have a few days to myself this coming week and I plan on making a major move towards setting myself up.   There are some courses that eventually I'll sign up for so that I can get certified but at this time personally coaching is still generally unregulated  and I plan on diving in head first so to speak.   I'm ready for this in so many ways as long as I can move past the fear.  I'll use my anger as fuel to keep me on track - funny how much I can accomplish when I'm angry.  What am I angry about?  I'm not really sure yet but I will slowly work on it, accept it, move past it.  Finally, it's time to get unstuck and get busy becoming whatever and whomever I was meant to be .... wish me luck!

In love and peace .... La

Is it September Already?

Wow!  Have I got a serious case of procrastination.   Even easy things like cleaning off my desk are becoming huge inner battles and I'm losing.  I have just finished a week off and instead of returning to work refreshed with a sense of accomplishment, all I have is a feeling of lost time.  That is the main issue I have with inertia - lost time - which can lead to regret.  Oh, don't get me started with "regret" .... nasty little habit that.  So I can talk and talk and talk about this and write and write and write about it too but how to turn the tide.  I hear and understand everyone who says 'take one small step towards what you want' but it's driving me nuts trying to get that small step in.  Every time that I try, it seems to increase the inertia.

Well, it's September and I'm writing this so hey, that's one small step done.   Will let you know how it goes.

Time to Organize

The past month has been challenging on the health front.... starting with a weekend of stomach flu followed by an adverse reaction to a colon scope a few days later that lasted for 2 weeks.   I'm feeling much better now and am ready to get started.  This week is for organizing.  I realized that my desk has become a dumping ground again and that always reflects my emotions.  Surprisingly, cleaning and organizing externally helps me do the same internally... I've learnt that over the past few years.  I also want to start using the treadmill again and will be going down to the basement and logging in 15 minutes every night this week.   I've decided to start small and gradually work up to 45 minutes of exercising/day - 6 days a week.  I will also try to arrange my schedule so that I actually have one day a week for complete rest and relaxation....Sunday will be easiest to do this I think.  That's lots for me to get going with so off I go .....

New Challenges

Okay, I've been adjusting to the fact that I turned 50 years old.  There has definitely been a feeling of lost time, things that I haven't done and probably wont.  That ends today.  Time for some fun and a chance to accomplish some things that have been lurking at the back of my mind.

So what are the challenges?  Well, let's start with my health: my colitis has been preoccupying my attention and it's time to put it on a back burner and focus on overall health.  My goals are to eat healthier by removing as much packaged/premade foods as I can....to eat as clean as possible, to find different ways to bring physical movement back to my life, and to remove unwanted stress or at least find coping mechanisms that reduce stress' effects on my body... meditation, tai chi.   Once I can get these in place the end result should be to get my weight to 140 pounds(from 200) and to be energized and full of life.

Financially I've been in a rut.  There are times when I can see a slight change but then I fall back into old patterns going back to living a life of lack.  When I think back to my late teens, when everyone was asking me what I was going to do, my answer was that I planned on being a millionaire but the time I was thirty.  Well, they laughed at that .... only one person actually thought I could do it but unfortunately she was not the one I listened to.   Time to change that.  I'm well past thirty but what the heck, it would be fun to be a millionaire n'est pas?

Spiritually?  I think its time to tap into my creative self.  Write more maybe even a book.  Have fun with my appearance...steampunk maybe.   Live more of a comic book life - vibrant colours, surround myself with unique items, explore what makes me smile, find out what it is that I really want.

I'm not setting a time limit on this challenge.   I will over the next few weeks detail some of the steps that I plan on following to get me started.  Life changing .... that is my end goal, my start goal, my new lifelong plan.

End of the Challenge

Okay, time for reviewing the past 18 months. So much has happened and yet so much has stayed the same. Well, I turned 50 - that happened and isn't changing. Still haven't decided how I feel about that yet. Finances are still a mess but this time last year I got a windfall completely out of the blue which gave me a chance to try something different. Health wise things went from bad to worse to getting better now. Spiritually, well, I don't know what to say. I'm slowly getting back in touch with my soul .... it never stopping singing but I stopped listening to that soft sweet music and I've paid a price for my self imposed deafness.  

My Health: I've lost 50 pounds and I have more energy and flexibility. I'm starting to feel like myself again ... strange how you lose yourself when you gain a lot of weight. My ulcerative colitis is giving me quite the fight but I'm slowly winning this one. I would like to lose another 50 pounds by following a diet that makes me feel good and by increasing my exercise when my energy levels are up to it. I'm winning this challenge no matter how long it takes.  

My Finances: UNCLE! Okay, I cried uncle! That's it. Enough. This time last year I received a windfall - a really nice one but it just disappeared as all money that comes my way does. I'm back to holding my breath at the end of the month as bills get paid. There is a saying in the AA meeting rooms that someone close to me thinks might help .... "let go and let God". I think it's time for me to give it a try. The bills do get paid, there is food in the cupboard, I live in a very nice house with lots of beautiful things around me and help comes to me when I really need it. My mantra is now - let go, let go, let go. Let's see what happens.  

My Spirituality: I've had an Oprah AHA moment .... I've been so focused on losing weight and becoming wealthy that I thought reading books and finding a church or group was all that was needed to become "more spiritual". Nope. Nope. Nope. I have been blessed in this lifetime to know that my soul sings but for some reason I stopped listening. I need to listen to the singing ... if I can focus on that then everything else - health, finances, etc. - will all fall into place.

Overall, my biggest lesson learned during the challenge has been that "knowing" things means nothing if you don't "do" something with that knowledge. I've let my life become inert ... hopefully things are starting to move in the right direction now. Let go, let go, let go ...... in peace, with love.

Last Month

Wowee that was fast! One month left. Have I learned anything in the past 17 months? Yes and no. Sound complicated? Well, that's life - yes and no - not black and white as that leads to issues that will never go away. Luckily I've always enjoyed the many shades of grey...just don't ask me to make a quick decision... it'll never happen (ask Lynne - it's one of my personality quirks that can drive her to distraction). Update - weight is still decreasing though not as fast; still learning how to let go ..... ; focusing on gratitude and positive thinking; exploring prayer - interesting concept for an atheist but finally understanding that it's not who you pray to but what you pray about that matters. Saving details for next month's "big reveal" - just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still hanging in there. In peace with love...